Building Blocks

Today marks my 2 year natural anniversary!. 2 years ago I only had 1 inch of hair on my head. Now I can’t even see over my fro lol.

Loving…

Sometimes we invest so much energy in loving people that we forget how sacred loving is. Loving is always the purest of all emotion. It is resistant to reason. It repells suppression. Love is an avatar. Love, is a human bender.

I’ve spent years trying to perfect the way I love. Trying to find a medium between too much and not enough love. Learning that my love is something special.

And I’ve realized that people put all this focus on loving and how to do it right and how to earn it, and how to weed out the people who haven’t…and well…they’ve forgetten about people.

We want to love things so badly. We want things to love us so badly. But at what expense?

Love will convince you. And that is all love is capable of doing. Love will influence us to do these extraordinary things, good and bad. But there is a lack of accountability on the people end of the spectrum.

People will leave you stranded and broke and lonely and crying and hurt and angry and needy and resentful and manipulative and sorry and regretful and guilty and happy and crying and lost. People do all of these things to you. Love will convince you not to blame them.

I think we need to start holding people accountable for this pain.

Dear parents, you hurt me. Dear lover, you hurt me. Dear friend, you hurt me. Dear stranger, you hurt me. Dear ex-lover, you hurt me. Dear self, you hurt me. Dear human…you hurt people.

Accoutability of the people in our lives will help us reclaim love. Purify it.

Let us, become love benders.

“Talking” to someone, is essentially the same as dating.

Dating is not in a relationship. Its just dating. “Talking” isn’t a real thing unless its JUST talking. I wish people would stop using the word TALKING. We’re not in middle school anymore. Maybe that’s why your relationships fuckin suck. Be an adult, understand and correctly define what it is that’s happening. Playing games are no longer cute.

A heart will always be familiar with a true friend.

And THAT is the hardest part about any kind of break up.

I find..

That the people who begin statements with, “I don’t believe in God, but if I did..” are the ones who desire Him the most.

Today I told my dad I was going to press my hair again for Christmas.
His response was, “so you back with this shit again?”

It kinda hurt my feelings. Just because I had my hair straight for 5 days and my family called me all types of beautifuls they haven’t called me in 2 years since I cut all my hair off. It sucks, but as a young woman, I am confident in my choice. This hair forces me to wake up everyday and relove myself. Relove my beauty.

I think my hair is beautiful. When it was down my back, it was beautiful. When I had 1 inch of hair it was beautiful. And whatever changes may come, it will be beautiful.

I’m making a conscious decision to be in love with me no matter who isn’t because I have a mother who will be completely bald in a few weeks and she will still be the worlds most beautiful. And she will still smile. And she will still love herself even when people make her feel otherwise.

I choose this. Because it isn’t easy. And there is strength in all things difficult.

I’ve never stopped believing in love. Even when my lovers became non-existent. Love is forever, it is the people…the moments…that fade away.

There are moments in loving and in un-loving where acknowledgement, accountability, and apology is necessary.

Honestly

There is a serious hygiene issue amongst my castmates. I really need showers to be priorities for more than 3 people.

We are grown. Smelling like week old sanitary napkins and pickled armpit is never okay.
I understand odor as a result of exercise is natural, but the smells I’ve encountered in practice are far too potent to be circumstantial.

Everyone has bad days including myself. But if your bad day is everyday, you should be quarantined.